Inner Torment

Watch me from a distance, far from these irons I placed
To bar me from intrusion of life’s inconsequential race.
For I have lived my life in seclusion, am content being alone.
The days of love and happiness is but a moment gone.

I look out my self built cage, a restless panther pacing
A powerful soul locked , anguish consuming my being.
I long to break free, to be the confident Master of my life
But to this cage, I withdraw and let go off the fight.

Life was once sweet, and I gave my heart freely
Only to be deceived by love’s ruthless folly
It seized all that I have, consumed all of my heart
Shattering me to pieces, tearing me apart.

The pain is intense, creating a huge chasm
Once it was so great, that death was almost welcome
Constant and unabated, it burned like eternal fire
Trapping me deep down into its murky quagmire.

Deep in my core, a raging battle ensued,
A war of choices to discern what is evil or good
From the pain and searching, there arose a conclusion
It stirred my dark depths with the clarity of vision:

That ‘tis life’s choice that I cannot be happy
The damage wrought has been imbedded deeply
Because instead of a heart, there is now a hole
I cannot retrieve back what love stole.

So forgive me if I appear cold and distant
I cannot give you the love that you want
At best I can offer is a piece of myself
In brief unguarded moments when I come out of my shell.

inspired by my friend BK.
October 2005