If I were to paint a picture today, it'll be me on the beach jetting it out in the open sea with the backdrop of a gorgeous sunset behind me. I need to get away from the city for a while so this time is such a good opportunity to do so. A breather is what they call it...be free from the noise and pollution and time to search oneself. Nahhh I'mjust gonna go have fun, get a tan and hopefully don't get too sunburned. It's going to be a good 2 days. White Rock...Here I come!!!!

I thought I write good. I thought wrong. I have for the second time run into good blog pages while searching for lyrics to a song. These blogs are must sees. I read through them and enjoyed every minute of it:

http://nadespamedexistence.blogspot.com/
http://dreamless-slumber.blogspot.com/

Thanks to your inspiration guys I'm going to strive hard to make this blog page better.

Valentine's Day 2006

I remember valentine's day in my younger years spent on the phone talking to my best friends. We would be envious of girls who got those sickeningly sweet valentine's card from their admirers or even more so of girls who got roses. I don't know what it is about girls and roses and valentine cards...i think its a venus thing. Hmmm what strikes me as significant is that i have had roses as i grew older...roses and tulips and chocolates. I guess I did not lose out after all. But what makes this day really special is not the capitalist flower shops who thrive on this day to jack up the prices of flowers...or hallmark cards...its the other person who remembers you during this day that makes it worth celebrating. But if truth be told...everyday should be valentine's day for you and your loved ones. It doesn't have to be on a certain day that you express your appreciation for them. How hard is it to say 'i love you' every single day or second if you mean it and feel it? I guess this day only heightened the expression just a tad. Now...if you will excuse me, I have to be a tad more expressive and greet special people today. I DO say and show I love them every single second of my life because without them, what's my heart for?

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!!!!

Be Still My Love And Know I am True
True to the feelings of me and you
You just have to have faith and believe in US
Not on fleeting feelings of a body rush
Love songs may be fickle,
Make your feelings thin and brittle
But it releases what you have inside
All those fears you try to hide
When you show me this side of you
It makes me appreciate it too
Because real love is not all sugar and spice
Its not all candy coated and nice
I urge you to rise above this
Look beyond the feelings of bliss
To trod on to that never ending road
You'll find me there to share the load
Because life will never give it to us easy
It won't all be fine and worry free
But put your faith in me and we'll make it
Hand in hand we'll write our song to one steady beat.

To SH ... love songs say so much

Inner Torment

Watch me from a distance, far from these irons I placed
To bar me from intrusion of life’s inconsequential race.
For I have lived my life in seclusion, am content being alone.
The days of love and happiness is but a moment gone.

I look out my self built cage, a restless panther pacing
A powerful soul locked , anguish consuming my being.
I long to break free, to be the confident Master of my life
But to this cage, I withdraw and let go off the fight.

Life was once sweet, and I gave my heart freely
Only to be deceived by love’s ruthless folly
It seized all that I have, consumed all of my heart
Shattering me to pieces, tearing me apart.

The pain is intense, creating a huge chasm
Once it was so great, that death was almost welcome
Constant and unabated, it burned like eternal fire
Trapping me deep down into its murky quagmire.

Deep in my core, a raging battle ensued,
A war of choices to discern what is evil or good
From the pain and searching, there arose a conclusion
It stirred my dark depths with the clarity of vision:

That ‘tis life’s choice that I cannot be happy
The damage wrought has been imbedded deeply
Because instead of a heart, there is now a hole
I cannot retrieve back what love stole.

So forgive me if I appear cold and distant
I cannot give you the love that you want
At best I can offer is a piece of myself
In brief unguarded moments when I come out of my shell.

inspired by my friend BK.
October 2005

Paint me a Picture

Paint me a picture of me
The real me that you know
The real me that you see
The real me you want to show

I bet that picture will be
Of a princess in her wonderful world
Young and wild and free
With her little crown made of gold

Or could it be that she's this girl
Who's so pretty she makes head turn
When she giggles it makes your head swirl
With images that makes your heart burn

But that picture isn't me
Far from the real person inside
That's your fantasy
That's who I built myself to hide

For that girl can conquer anything
Its who people want to see
A song everyone wants to sing
That person is not me, I am sorry

The real me cries out with pain
Pain of rejection, of being cast aside
No one to hold on to, nothing to gain
A driftwood washed to shore by the cruel tide

If you look inside me you'll see
A broken up piece of heart
A fearful girl wanting to be free
A girl who doesn't know where to start

Someone who looks to you as the anchor
Someone who needs you to save
Someone seeking out a warm harbor
Someone who wants to walk on the road you pave

I beg you to pick up these broken pieces
You may try to make it whole or break them apart
Just paint me to be a girl with many faces
But please paint me with a whole heart

For I am done with pretending
I am done with running away
From this fear never ending
I need to see a brand new day

So paint me a picture of me with you in it
And I'll make the road somehow
I'll carry that picture in my heart's pocket
And I'll start healing now.

February 2006